So i'm dating now...

First of many (disastrous - i'm sure) updates on the whole love life thing.

So, i'm dating. I've never really done 'dating' before. I've been on dates, with boyfriends, or people who will very soon become my boyfriend, but I've never done 'dating'. Like as a verb. As in having more than one, or with more than one person. It's new. It's not altogether unpleasant, but it's going to take some getting used to.

Firstly going out to dinner with someone you barely know just becuase the only thing you both have in common at the moment is that you find each other vaugely attractive, or at least less than hideous, is a very daunting task. What if they're a total weirdo? What if you have nothing to talk about? What if they suddenly burst into song? All of these things are viable concerns.

So the worst experience i've had so far? A two fold affair.

Part A: We met. On a rooftop bar in the drizzle when I was visiting a theatre festival and I'd lost my lighter and he had one. All went swimmingly, conversation flowed, very similar interests, his mate seemed nice, normal and that - always a good sign I think. We had a lot in common, made each other laugh and flirted outrageously. Swapped numbers. So far so good.

The next day, he texts me.
Great. I text back.
He text's back... within seconds.
I text back.
He text's back almost instantly with a two page message.
I leave it.
He texts again. I give him the benefit of the doubt and accept his friend request on facebook.
He messages me.
I pretend to be too busy to talk.

I end up back at the festival the following weekend and I know he's still about becuase it was one of the things we'd talked about in the rain on that rooftop. I've got a spare few hours so we agree to meet for a drink. And it's fine for a while, we talk, and laugh, and he tells me how lovely I am, and I laugh and tell him not to be stupid. And then he tells me how 'psyched' he is to see me again. And he keeps using my name in the third person, as if I don't know it or something. I know my own name. I've been called it for twenty-something years. And then he recites a Shakespearean sonnet off the top off his head in which he calls me a goddess. I'm smoking a fag in the rain so my hair is growing ever frizzier so I know i'm no goddess. I laugh, awkwardly.

Then he recites the entirety of Puck's ending monologue from A Midsummer Nights Dream, the only alteration he makes is changing the ending from "give me your hands if we be friends" to... "If we be friends give me a kiss". And leans in, eyes shut. I inhale a drag of Marlborough light and try not to laugh in his face. Which is now wet from the insistent rain. After a while I make my excuses and meet some other friends, reeling from the intensity of the evening.

Part B: So i'm dodging his texts and avoiding his calls and saying 'just about to head out, sorry g2g xxx' every time the chat thing pops up on facebook... when he texts me. With two press tickets to a show I really want to see. My favourite play with a brilliant actor and to a production that's been sold out for months. Would I like to go?

"I'm so sorry I haven't got back to you, I've been totally swamped with work all week and was with my family all weekend. How have you been? I'd absolutely love to, thank you so much for inviting me xxx".

Hell yes I want to go. So I move some stuff around and clear my evening next week so I can go and see the amazing play with - whom i'm kidding myself into believing will just be a 'nice new friend' and I have this plan to either tell him how it is, that I just want to be friends, or lie and say I'm back with my ex so he'll leave me alone after - depending on how cowardly i'm feeling.

Then he calls me. He's really sorry but the tickets have been revoked by the theatre becuase they're over capacity and he's getting a refund. No tickets. But, to say sorry and AS HE NOW KNOWS IM FREE would love to take me to dinner on that night. How's Seven?

I've been conned. I've been conned into a bloody date with the intense guy who was more than a little overwhelming  Duped. Tricked. I've been date mugged. I can't say no now can I. I'm not a total bitch.

So the date's next week. I'll let you know how it goes. If I don't get back on here soon, go looking for fresh graves in local forests. Perhaps with a quote by Shakespeare on a makeshift headstone.